Will Power

its so hard...
i know im cranky
and i know im being irritable
i apologize in advance :[
but just bear with me till im able to deal with it better
thank you!

Oh Silly Mother

i just thought i would write this cause to me its really funny
My mom is a fob and has a very strange sense of humor.
She is slightly slow when it comes to her making jokes...
so if i say something it takes her a couple minutes to think of a joke
about it... ANYWAYS
my sister, mom, and i were sitting on the bed talking
heres how it went...

Mom is just sitting there listening to my sister and i
Sister(to me): why do you have so many scratches on your neck?
Me: I dont know... i must've scratched myself
Sister: Mom, if i wake up early can you help me pack lunch?
Me: you can pack lunch by yourself. you are old enough
Sister: Why dont you pack it for me?!
Mom(after minutes of not talking): at night when you're sleeping...(pause)
Sister: What?!
Mom: I try to kill you...
Sister&Me:........
Sister: What are you talking about?!
Mom: (points at my neck and starts laughing)
Me:...
Sister: What is wrong with you? You're so slow!
Me:...what the..
Mom: i joke i joke :]

i love my mom :] for those of you who are reading this nonsense blogpost and not understanding it... she was making a joke about the scratches on my neck...
ok, maybe this wasnt funny, but me and jeesun(sister) were cracking up for like hours
i love my weird quirky family :]

Woman

" At the heart of femininity is a
freeing disposition to affirm, receive,
and nurture strength and leadership from worthy men
in ways appropriate to a woman's differing relationships."

-John Piper

cow jumped over the moon

So today was a very interesting day.
Im actually enjoying my classes. I never really found what I was learning about interesting. My main goal was just graduation. Kept telling myself "just graduate grace...just graduate" then i thought even that was pushing it so i started saying "pass these classes grace... just pass these classes" Usually I have this sense of "I'm gonna fail" but I have been noticing that, that feeling has calmed, been pushed back. I was expecting it to come back again but then I realized in disscussion yesterday that I actually liked what I was learning. I was engaging in conversation about things that I never really thought about like the theories of Piaget, Erickson, Vygotsky and what the real definition of intelligence is. It felt so surreal.




Have you ever thought about the process of reading? we are so old and "knowledgeable" that we don't think twice about how we read. It comes to us automatically.We are so focused on what the text means that we dont think about the process by which meaning is conveyed. I dunno I was in class today and it just blew my mind. Teaching how to read is one of the hardest things to do... just because you know how to read doesn't mean you can teach it. Think about it what would do to teach a 2 year old how to read? just give them a book? except them to grow into it eventually? they need to be taught the very basics that even i cant remember... isnt that amazing?!

God created us in such an amazing way that i cant even begin to understand. Todays class really made me realize how small we really are. The complicated process of how we grow... we think nothing about it but if you break it down and see it... its seriously amazing. I started crying on my drive home. Yes, my emotions got the best of me but I just realized how lucky I am.
How lucky we all are.

haha im sorry if this bored you but i found it interesting :]

Future Junkie

I am a Future Junkie.




I love to think about what God has in store for me in the future. What my calling is. Am i going to get married. Where am i going to be in 10 years. Will my friends still be my friends. Who am i going to lose. Who am i going to meet. I've always thought that i need to know whats going to happen in the future in order to go on with the present. Does that make sense? Im sure it doesnt. I've been looking at the future so much i've lost my purpose in the present. " I can't focus on studies cause i don't know what i want to become" "I'm going to take a break cause i don't know what God wants for me." I've been stuck in the same place for the past 3 years. I dont look at whats right in front of me, but look over it to what i cant see. Shouldn't God be glorified even in my present situation? I read Kyungs blog about God being glorified in his studies. We are living our lives for Him so wouldn't He want us to study hard? (A biblical reference would be great right now but unfortunately i am selfish and flawed and have yet to remember specific places in the bible, let alone continuously read it) I'm so scared that this semester is gonna turn out like all the other ones. That I'm just gonna give up halfway through. I just want to take it week by week for now. Not thinking or worrying to much about the outcome. If i tried my hardest i should be satisfied with the grade that i get. I've been trying to get into the daily habit of reading the bible to. Taking it day by day, not looking around at other people but just focusing on God. Its hard.


I feel like i always write my blogs late at night. I have class tomorrow :)

3:16am

Sometimes i feel like i cant keep up. its like im watching everyone climb up this huge hill these people that i know and i want to be there with them... see what they see, understand what they understand but my feet and hands start fumbling. There they are all the way up there and here i am struggling to even stay in the same place. I find myself comparing myself to my brothers and sisters around me. Everytime i do it frustrates me. Why cant I be like them? What am i doing here? How do I look to them? Why do they seem so Godly? And then i see how selfish i am and start drowning more in frustration and sorrow. Then i find myself reading books blogs and even the bible to be like them. To speak like them. To think like them. I dont want that. Its disgusting... Would God look down on me and find His glory? would he be pleased? Its not about the other people. Its not about how people percieve me... I want to look pass that I want God to be glorified.. in everything that i do. My faith is not measured by how my brothers and sisters see me but by how I live my life for him. So no more pulling answers out of my butt, i really want to speak what I know what i really believe, that way i'll be able to grow more to strive more, I want my answers to be genuine, not just what i think they want to hear, no matter how that makes me look to them. Its gonna be a struggle but its a struggle that im going to have to face.

i always thought i was a very open person.. that i share whats going on in my life.. but its just an act. Its so hard opening your heart, cause even i dont know what may be inside.

Monster

blogging from california.

went through many things to blog about in the course of a week.
have been thinking about a lot of things.
something is happening to me but i dunno what

i dont have a lot of time right now.

-Grace

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith,

we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Through him we have also obtained access by faith

into this grace in which we stand, and

we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings,

knowing that suffering produces endurance,

and endurance produces character,

and character produces hope,

and hope does not put us to shame,

because God’s love has been poured into our hearts

through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

-Romans 5:1-5

That is what i started out my day with...

so undeserving, dont think ive suffered enough.

everytime i read the bible i go through like

50 billion emotions in one reading.

so listening to moses speak on sunday really

got me hyped up. I wanted to try sharing the

gospel to people around me. I've always been

to much of a nervous wreck to do it before

but listening to him and watching it my heart

felt so convicted and burdened.

i have some stories i wanna share but im at work so ill wait till i can write

Why Are You So Werid?

I hear this phrase at least 500 times a week...
mostly from my sister.
am i really that weird T-T

California is coming up!

Pro #1: Meeting My Family
Con #1: Dealing With My Family

Pro #2: FOOD!
Con #2: Aftermath of Food...

Pro #3: Relaxing :)
Con# 3: Preparing the song T-T

so i've been doing QT everyday for an amount of time
and it has definitly gotten easier as i try to fit it into my routine.
which made me mad cause i never tried hard to before.
and then it makes me sad cause i feel like i wont be able to keep it up
this is the working of my mind. sad i know. but i am happy
cause im learning a lot more... but theres a lot more i need to
learn. i've been feeling very immature lately. everyone around me is
graduating and doing things. not only that but they no more.
i still feel like im 16 stuck in a 21 year old. limitations.

Glorify. Family. Church

I suck at writing blogs.
This one is long... i'm sorry.

Today was a very interesting day.
So... My family has yet to know that I did not go to school this semester.
No ones has ever asked me about it but i think they all have a feeling.
My dad came home the other day and told me he told my grandmother.
I called her today expecting to hear some nagging and yelling which i
knew i would deserve. Instead.. she started crying. Crying for me.
I hate it when my family members cry. Talking with her really...
Just broke me. I was driving and had to pull over. Heres what she said

"I'm sorry I couldn't do more for you. I'm sorry you have to live
life like this. I want you to remember that God has a plan for you.
How hard must it have been for you... to have driven you that far.
I pray for you everyday. That God will put in you a calling. A dream.
Dont you have a dream? How is your life glorifying to God?
Ask yourself this. You have this thing where you feel as if you
have to please me or your parents. You should be thinking about God
first. I dont want you to live your life for anything else. Life is full of suffering
and we know that. Dont expect it to be easy"

Somewhere along those lines in korean. I'm a horrible daughter.
How am i living for God... Is my life really glorifying to him...?

Then my cousin graduated today so i spent the day with them
and my other grandmother. I love my family. I really do.
He really REALLY blessed me.

On my way home i got ice cream with my sister.
I got to talk to her about her feelings on church and
her relationship with God. You can not imagine how
happy this made me. She asked me questions and
we had great disscussions.
I dunno for the sake of my sister i wont post but i was
so thankful to God....

Last section haha.
I was doing my QT and listening to a sermon when i read this.

1 Corinthians 12:21-27
And the eye cannot say to the hand, "I have no need of you"; or again the head to the feet, "I have no need of you." On the contrary, it is much truer that the members of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary; and those members of the body, which we deem less honorable, on these we bestow more abundant honor, and our unseemly members come to have more abundant seemliness, whereas our seemly members have no need of it. But God has so composed the body, giving more abundant honor to that member which lacked, that there should be no division in the body, but that the members should have the same care for one another. And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it. Now you are Christ's body, and individually members of it

Lately church has been... tense should i say...
We've been struggling. These things are just my opinion by the way so
the other guys might not feel this way. I feel like i just go to church cause
i have to, cause i know that its what i should do. my relationship with
my other brothers and sisters have been faultering a lot.
we have these grudges against each other and a division has clearly shown itself.
i read that verse and my heart just dropped. who am i to judge the other members..
we are all part of the church we are all one body and yet we dont act like it.
The care and love that we need to share is lacking. its filled with grudges
and judgements. We cause suffering instead of suffering together.
I really want to change. I want to pray together, pray for one another.
I want the focus to come back into being a church AT church. not at KCM
or FatherHeart, etc. I need to change my ways of thinking. we are all members
of the church and we need to start acting like it.

man... that was a looooong post. a lot of stuff on my mind.

Grace's Blog.

This blog is for my daily life.
What i think.
What i go through.
Who i love.

YAY! Beginning...