Glorify. Family. Church

I suck at writing blogs.
This one is long... i'm sorry.

Today was a very interesting day.
So... My family has yet to know that I did not go to school this semester.
No ones has ever asked me about it but i think they all have a feeling.
My dad came home the other day and told me he told my grandmother.
I called her today expecting to hear some nagging and yelling which i
knew i would deserve. Instead.. she started crying. Crying for me.
I hate it when my family members cry. Talking with her really...
Just broke me. I was driving and had to pull over. Heres what she said

"I'm sorry I couldn't do more for you. I'm sorry you have to live
life like this. I want you to remember that God has a plan for you.
How hard must it have been for you... to have driven you that far.
I pray for you everyday. That God will put in you a calling. A dream.
Dont you have a dream? How is your life glorifying to God?
Ask yourself this. You have this thing where you feel as if you
have to please me or your parents. You should be thinking about God
first. I dont want you to live your life for anything else. Life is full of suffering
and we know that. Dont expect it to be easy"

Somewhere along those lines in korean. I'm a horrible daughter.
How am i living for God... Is my life really glorifying to him...?

Then my cousin graduated today so i spent the day with them
and my other grandmother. I love my family. I really do.
He really REALLY blessed me.

On my way home i got ice cream with my sister.
I got to talk to her about her feelings on church and
her relationship with God. You can not imagine how
happy this made me. She asked me questions and
we had great disscussions.
I dunno for the sake of my sister i wont post but i was
so thankful to God....

Last section haha.
I was doing my QT and listening to a sermon when i read this.

1 Corinthians 12:21-27
And the eye cannot say to the hand, "I have no need of you"; or again the head to the feet, "I have no need of you." On the contrary, it is much truer that the members of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary; and those members of the body, which we deem less honorable, on these we bestow more abundant honor, and our unseemly members come to have more abundant seemliness, whereas our seemly members have no need of it. But God has so composed the body, giving more abundant honor to that member which lacked, that there should be no division in the body, but that the members should have the same care for one another. And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it. Now you are Christ's body, and individually members of it

Lately church has been... tense should i say...
We've been struggling. These things are just my opinion by the way so
the other guys might not feel this way. I feel like i just go to church cause
i have to, cause i know that its what i should do. my relationship with
my other brothers and sisters have been faultering a lot.
we have these grudges against each other and a division has clearly shown itself.
i read that verse and my heart just dropped. who am i to judge the other members..
we are all part of the church we are all one body and yet we dont act like it.
The care and love that we need to share is lacking. its filled with grudges
and judgements. We cause suffering instead of suffering together.
I really want to change. I want to pray together, pray for one another.
I want the focus to come back into being a church AT church. not at KCM
or FatherHeart, etc. I need to change my ways of thinking. we are all members
of the church and we need to start acting like it.

man... that was a looooong post. a lot of stuff on my mind.